


...Are made as we walk them

by Bablefisk



Series: The Road of life [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, F/F, M/M, Not Blaine Friendly, Not Rachel Friendly, Reunions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-24 03:11:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2566178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bablefisk/pseuds/Bablefisk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian and Alex are living together in New York, when they decide it's about time to try and find Alex' past. **Set 5 years after “The Roads we walk..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Five years later

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Amnesia  
> Beta: Many thanks to the lovely jwmelmoth, and as always, all mistakes are my own.   
> Disclaimer: Glee is not mine

Alex looked around at his friends from where he sat on the love seat next to Sebastian. They were celebrating Alex' birthday party, his 23rd, and they had gathered whatever friends they had that lived in New York for a get together. 

  
  


They had moved to New York after Sebastian finished high school in Paris, and after a couple of months, they bought an apartment together with the help of Sebastian's parents. Sebastian was taking a medical degree at NYU, and Alex had been accepted to Parsons. When he had finished high school a year before Sebastian, Alex had started to work as an intern for Vivian, who had by then become like a mother to him. Both he and Sebastian had been working on and off as models, first just for Vivian, but they were soon snatched up by an agency. Working part time next to their studies made them just enough to get by on their own. They had made friends through both school and their work, making the party they were currently at a rather mixed group.

They weren't hosting the party, as their apartment really wasn't big enough for that many people, but one of their best friends and his girlfriend had offered to be the hosts. Which was why they were currently in Cooper Anderson's villa of an apartment. They had met Cooper through a former colleague of them both, a model Cooper used to date, and they had laid best friend claim on him ever since. They had known him for two and half years now, and he knew all about the memory loss and how the two of them got together. They knew all about the parents that Cooper didn't talk to, and the little brother that he was so proud of, who was a songwriter. They had seen a picture from last summer, with Cooper and his brother, a young, rather short man, with curls everywhere and dark framed glasses.  
  


Sebastian clinked his ring on the wineglass he was holding, standing up from the couch, bringing everyone's attention to them. He cleared his throat before he started talking, the only sign that he was nervous.

“Everyone, we have a few announcements.” He looked down at Alex to show who he meant. “Yesterday, Alex and I had a little private celebration,” catcalls and laughter flowed through the group of friends, but Sebastian just stared them into silence. “I asked Alex to marry me, and he said yes.”  
  


After the cheers and congratulations, and quite a few of the girls' exclamations of “OMG!” about th e  rings, Alex and Sebastian stood in the middle of the room together. Alex then made the second announcement. 

“You all know about my past, or lack of past, and we have been wondering lately if there is anything we can do to find my family. I realized when we talked about getting married, that I would like to have my family there with me. We have talked to Gabriel,” Alex raised his glass to a blond, tall man at the end of the couch, “who you all know is a journalist for OUT magazine. He has asked me before to do a piece on my life and the amnesia, and though I have declined him before, we have decided it is time. So I'm going to be interviewed, pictures from the last few years will be included in the piece and hopefully someone will recognize me. We know it's not the most likely magazine my family will be reading, but as I expect I wasn't any less gay in the past, there is a chance I had some gay friends.”

There was a smattering of laughs from their friends, and Alex smiled at them.

“It's a bit of a long shot, but I know I will feel a lot better if I at least try to find them.”

“When's the wedding?” Alicia, one of Alex' friends from school, who was there with her partner Sarah, yelled out. "Christmas break?"

“No. That's only a couple of months away, and  we want to give the article a chance to run. We haven't decided yet.” 

The party quickly broke down to several discussions and conversation, and Sebastian sat on the arm of the couch, looking down on his fiancé, who was deep in conversation with Cooper. He always felt horrible for thinking it, but he was so happy that Alex had been in that accident and they had found him, otherwise they might never have met. He would have gladly taken it without the memory loss, particularly long term, but if he had to choose, he knew he would never have done anything to change the things that happened. 

For a long time, he had been uncertain about what Alex thought about it, whether he would change things if he could. He had asked him once, when they were both drunk, and Alex had said he wouldn’t change it, but sometimes Sebastian felt like Alex only had one side of it, so how could he possibly know?   
  


Thankfully, after several years together, Sebastian was confident in their relationship and had been unsurprised, though ecstatic, when Alex said yes to his proposal. But still, he hoped they could find Alex' family, give him back some of his life before, even if he never remembered. If they didn't find anyone, Sebastian was afraid that Alex would always wonder where he came from, never being able to be at peace with himself and his life, so Sebastian had planned on getting the interview published in as many magazines his family had any pull over if the one in OUT didn't get any results. 

With one last gaze down at Alex, he let Sarah pull him into a conversation.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


 


	2. Interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The interview of Alexander Clarkson on OUT magazine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: Many thanks to the lovely jwmelmoth, and as always, all mistakes are my own.  
> Disclaimer: Glee is not mine (and I'm kinda glad it isn't)

**_JOHN DOE_ **

**_AKA  
ALEXANDER CLARKSON_ **

_by Gabriel Martins_

****

_Alexander Clarkson is 23 years old, studies fashion at Parson's, works part time as a model and only remembers five years of his life. I was lucky enough to get to talk with the young man whose life was turned on its head when he was in an accident five years ago, and was found by Sebastian and Vivian Smythe._

_GM: First question, what is it you have?_

_AC: Well, it's retrograde amnesia, but it's a little bit more complicated than that. I don't remember anything before five years ago, no memories at all, but I do remember some... impressions, I guess you can say. Like a smell that reminds me of something. For example, there is this one perfume that I stumbled over in a photo shoot, that for some reason makes me feel safe but also a little sad. I'm thinking it might be a relative or a friend that I lost, that wore that perfume. So after five years, I have a lot of impressions in my head, but still no memories._

_GM: Okay, but as I understand it, you remember some things instinctually, like how to use a computer or a phone._

_AC: Yes, we discovered that for the most part my brain seems to remember things, as you said, on instinct. Some things, like using a computer, I have done so many times, that I manage to do it without much though. Language is the same way. When I woke, I spoke English fluently, and after a few days we found out that I also speak French fluently. That most likely means I learned to speak it early. Apparently, the older the memory or skill, the bigger the chances are of me remembering._

_GM: You say you know certain things instinctually, have you “found” any things you just know? Even if you can't remember having done them before?_

_AC: Yes, actually, several times. When I first started drawing and designing, it almost seemed like my hand was working on its own, doing exactly what my brain was picturing, without me having to think about it. I was also utterly surprised when our car broke down once, and when we looked at the engine, I just started fixing it. At the start, when I woke up in the hospital, Sebastian and I made a list over all the things we were going to try out, to figure out what I could and couldn't do. We went through the list, and found I was better at some and worse at others. As I mentioned, designing and also sewing came easy to me, whilst my painting skills left something to be desired. After I started school, I quickly figured out that I had to work harder at math and science, whilst languages and history came easy. I also found out, first through singing with Sebastian, that I have a good voice, and I joined the choir and musical theater when I started school._

_There are bad things as well, obviously things that carry bad memories somewhere in my subconscious. I can get a bit extreme sometimes about keeping things clean and organized, and some words upset me a lot more than they should. My body has some scars that make me wonder._

_GM: Take us through it, what happened?_

_AC: Well, most of this I know because I was told, but what we know is that I was in an accident of some sort. Sebastian and Vivian [ed:Smythe] found me walking along the road between Columbus and Buffalo. They drove me to the hospital in Buffalo. It turned out didn't remember anything, and the doctors found a tumor on my brain, making it worse than it otherwise could have been. They removed it, and I am healthy, but I still can't remember._

_GM: How is it, only remembering the last five years of your life?_

_AC: It's odd, in many ways. At first it was very hard. It felt like my brain was just empty. There was nothing to remember. Then it got easier. The more memories I had, the easier it got, and now it's simply like an itch in the back of my brain. Like when you're trying to remember a name but you it's just out of reach. It's a lot like that. In general, my life is good._

_GM: Do you feel hesitant to change anything about your physical appearance (haircut, clothing style, etc) in case you might still be recognized?_

_AC: At first, I was, yes. At the same time, they had to shave my hair for the operation, and seeing as my hair was clotted in blood, no one really knows what it was like. I threw out the clothes I wore before I thought to take a closer look, so I couldn't get anything from that. I do like to keep it simple, though, and as close to what I know I looked like then too; pale, no visible piercings or tattoos._

 

_GM: So how do you start living your life without memories? I can imagine it's hard when you don't even know if you prefer Chinese food or pizza..._

 

_AC: Heh, yeah, it's... Kinda hard to explain. Hmm... I guess it's a little like moving to a new place, and getting to know the neighborhood, trying out everything to figure out which take-out place you like, which gym, cinema and so on._

_Trying out food was actually an experiment we did. Sebastian had a huge list, and every day for weeks we tried out something new. The first week it was just potatoes and steak and rice and chicken, just the 'regular' food, so to say, but it got more and more complicated. I quickly found out that I had most probably had a diet on very little fat, because I got really sick to my stomach from eating anything too fatty. I also found that my absolute favorite food is cheesecake._

 

_GM: In a way, it must be awesome to be able to experience something again, like Lord of the Rings or Star Wars like it's the first time, right? And I can think of a few other first-times too..._

_AC: Hehehehehe! Yeah, I guess. Thing is though, I don't actually remember experiencing the first time around. And being a guy and all, there really is no way to tell..._

 

_GM: Why do this now? Is there a reason you haven't done this before, tried to reach out?_

_AC: Mostly, I guess, because I have no idea what to expect. I am at a point in my life right now where I feel secure enough I myself and what I have that it won't matter if what find out is bad, I'll still survive it. I don't think I would have been able to do that a year ago. Also, there is a big event coming up in my life, and I want to find my family before that._

_GM:: Are you extra careful around new people? After all, they might be your family, or an ex-lover..._

_AC: Oh yeah, I was so bad with this at first. It's like, you want them to recognize you, because they would probably know who you are, but at the same time, it would be extremely uncomfortable to not recognize them. I guess I just learned after a while to not think about it. If they knew me, we would cross that bridge when we got there._

_  
GM: If you ever find out who your family are, what do you think you would say to them, and what would you like them to say to you?_

_AC: Oh, wow.. uhm. I guess it depends on what I find. I just hope something in me will recognize them, even if I won't actually remember them. Uh, and I would want to know why they didn't look for me, or if they did, if they know why they didn't find me._

 

We wish Alex good luck with finding his family, and if you have any information regarding who Alexander Clarkson might be, please email gabriel.martins@out.magazine.com


	3. Finding out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone finds the article

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Amnesia  
> Beta: Many thanks to the lovely jwmelmoth, and as always, all mistakes are my own.  
> Disclaimer: Glee is not mine

Santana Lopez sat in the doctor’s office, waiting for her girlfriend Zoe. She had been a bit sick lately, and she hated going places like this alone, so Santana came with her. She had put on her music, and took out the magazine she just bought, this month's OUT. She was about halfway through, reading some of the articles with great interest, while skipping over others when she came to a picture and froze. The model in the looked exactly like she would imagine an older Kurt Hummel, except his clothes seemed a bit simpler, and his smile and face was much more relaxed than public Hummel would ever be. She drank it in, trying to pick up all the small details. His hair was slightly coiffed, and she suspected colored with dark copper red stripes. He was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, though nowhere near as tight as Kurt used to wear. His shirt was purple, with a white tank top beneath, and he had on purple converse shoes. The man in the picture seemed happy and relaxed, and Santana felt like she was seeing a ghost.

As she let her face slide over to the next page, hoping that there would be more pictures, she suddenly realized that is wasn’t an add, but an article. As she started reading, her eyes widened, and the farther she came, the more shocked she felt. It could actually _be_ Kurt. No, it was actually likely that it was Kurt. What was the chance of someone else looking that much like Kurt having lost their memory at the same exact time Kurt had died (vanished?) from the exact same area? Infinitely less than the chance of Kurt surviving, and that the body in the car was not his. They had never been able to make a positive identification, and Burt Hummel had always said that it wasn’t Kurt, that his boy was still out there somewhere.

She stared at the article for a few more minutes before she drew out her phone and found the right number. She felt the nerves sink in her stomach as the phone rang, terrified of being wrong, even though she knew she must be right.

_“Burt Hummel.”_

“Hi, Mr. Hummel? It’s Santana Lopez, I went to school with Kurt and Finn?” At the confirming answer on the other end, she took a deep breath and continued. “I think I’ve found Kurt.”

 

**

 

Burt Hummel had for a long time held on to the firm belief that Kurt was still alive. He just couldn’t believe that his little boy was that burned body. The closer they came to the funeral, the harder it was to believe it, and the day itself had been the worst day in his life. Suddenly it had seemed real. His son was dead. His son, who had so many plans, so many dreams, was dead. His dreams would never happen; he had been blown out like a candle way to early.

He had started going to therapy, as he had done when his wife had died, and in the end he had to let go. He couldn’t live his life like that, waiting and looking and always searching. He would have to accept it and try to move on.

Five years later, a piece of his heart was still missing, and much like the piece that had followed Elisabeth to the grave, it would always stay lost. He had managed to move on, in a way. He continued his life in a fashion that he knew Kurt would like. He followed the health restrictions he had, knowing Kurt would want him to stay with Carole and Finn as long as possible. He went into congress, trying his best to change the world a little at the time, and he had been, and still was. After he had been reelected for the second time, he and Carole had moved to DC on a permanent basis. They still had the house, empty for now, and they owned the garage, though Jimmy had taken over the day to day business. Finn was going to Ohio state to become a teacher, and would was working a little in the garage when he had the time, living in the house when he wished.

When Santana Lopez called him at his office, he was slightly confused at first. They all used to meet in Lima for the anniversary of the funeral, but that had been six months ago, and they usually didn’t talk much outside of it. His blood froze, however, when he heard what she had to say.

_“I think I’ve found Kurt.”_

It took him a few seconds to realize he had stopped breathing, and he gasped in a breath of air. “What… what do you mean?”

_“Uhm, well, there is this magazine that I read, OUT, it’s for, uhm, gay people. I was going through it when I saw a picture of someone looking extremely like Kurt. I just thought it was an add or something, but then I saw there was an interview. It’s about him, talks about how he was in an accident five years ago, and that he can’t remember anything from before it. It was in Ohio, and he has changed a little bit, but… I’m sure it’s him.”_

Burt barely caught the nervousness in her voice as he tried to take in what she was saying. “Are you sure?”

There was a few seconds of silence. _”Yes.”_

He wrote down the name of the magazine, and went straight out of his office, almost running down the stairs to get to the news stand around the corner. His eyes skated over the different covers, eyes catching on the right one, and almost ripping it down, throwing a bill at the man in the stand, walking away without caring about the change. He wanted to open it right this second, but he felt too exposed out here in the open, so he ran up to his office again, locking the door behind him.

He flipped through the pages, and almost flipped past it when he found the right article. There, from the pages in front of him, was his son. There was no question in his heart. The smiling face, the glittering eyes, even how he sat; it was all Kurt. Burt understood why Santana thought he had changed, because this hadn’t been a Kurt many had ever seen. This was a Kurt that, as far as Burt knew, only a select few ever got to see. Aside from Elisabeth and Burt himself, Carole and Finn had both barely gotten to know this side of him when Kurt disappeared. Burt didn’t even think Blaine had met this Kurt. The man in the picture was the relaxed Kurt; the Kurt that pulled on his pj’s after he came home and sat down in the couch, eating pizza and watching TV.

The smile on Burt’s face grew as he took in the man in the picture, before he looked over and started reading the article. His eyes watered as he read the name Kurt had given himself, a blossom of hope at seeing the familiar names.

 

**

 **To:**[gabriel.martins@out.magazine.com](mailto:gabriel.martins@out.magazine.com)  
 **From:**[burt.hummel@congress.gov](mailto:burt.hummel@congress.gov)  
 **Subject:** Article about Alexander Clarkson

Dear Mr. Martins

I’m not quite sure how to write this email, and I have tried many times over. I read the article you wrote in OUT about Alexander Clarkson, who had lost his memory. I am pretty sure that he is my son.

He went missing from Westerville, Ohio, five and a half years ago. They found his car and someone hurt badly enough to not be able to identify in it, the police assumed it was him, and the case was closed.

His name is Kurt Hummel. He was just finishing up his junior year at high school when he disappeared. His mother died when he was young, and I remarried just 8 months or so before he vanished, to Carole Hudson, who brought her son, Finn Hudson, (same age as Kurt) with her.

I can tell you more about me, or about him, if that will help. I have attached a couple of photos of my son when he was younger. I’ll do anything, just please… please help me get in contact with him.

Sincerely,   
Burt Hummel

 

**

 **To:**[noahp@gmail.com](mailto:noahp@gmail.com), [star1@yahoo.com](mailto:star1@yahoo.com), [b_anderson@outlook.com](mailto:b_anderson@outlook.com), [bp@gmail.com](mailto:bp@gmail.com), [mike.chang@julliard.com](mailto:mike.chang@julliard.com), [tinacc@gmail.com](mailto:tinacc@gmail.com), [Quinn.fabray@student.harvard.com](mailto:Quinn.fabray@student.harvard.com), [singingqueen@hotmail.com](mailto:singingqueen@hotmail.com), [navi_king@gmail.com](mailto:navi_king@gmail.com)  
 **Copy:**[slopez@gmail.com](mailto:slopez@gmail.com)  
 **From:**[burt.hummel@congress.gov](mailto:burt.hummel@congress.gov)  
 **Subject:** Kurt

I don’t know if any of you have spoken with Santana, but she stumbled over something about Kurt the other day. There is an article in OUT magazine with an interview of a man that is absolutely Kurt. He talks about being in an accident and losing his memory, and if you see the picture, you will see that it is him. I contacted the man that wrote the article, and I’m waiting for a reply. I will keep you updated as things go along, but if you know of anyone else you think should be included, please let me know.

Burt Hummel

******

Gabriel opened another email with Alex as the subject. At first, he had very excited that there were several replies, but it turned out that most of them were either “He’s handsome, could I get his number?” or people saying they had seen him there and there. As he skimmed through the next one, he sat up. This was a different kind of email. It came from a government email address, and the man seemed like he was telling the truth.

He clicked on the attached images, and his eyes widened at the sight of them. There was no question about it. That was a young Alex. Which meant that Burt Hummel was most likely Alex’ dad and Alex’s real name was Kurt. Holy shit.


	4. Finding home in a hug

Sebastian and Alex opened the door to the little café where they were meeting Gabriel. The blond had called them the day before, saying he had some news, and could they please meet in person? The couple soon spotted him, and after buying some food, sat down next to each other, across from Gabriel.

 

“Okay, first off, I got a few responses on the article. Most of them were trash, but there is one that I think is genuine. He says that you are his son.”

 

Alex almost choked on the baguette he was eating. “What? Seriously? And you think he’s right?”

 

Gabriel nodded. “Yeah. His name is Burt Hummel, he says your name is Kurt Hummel. Ring any bells?”

 

The brunet shook his head. “Can’t say that it does.”

 

“Well, he said that you went missing from Westerville, Ohio over five years ago. They were searching for you, but then apparently the police found your car burned out with a dead body inside that they believed was you, so they stopped looking. He told me a little about your lives; your mother died when you were eight, you father remarried just a few months before you disappeared, giving you a stepbrother your own age. Oh, and he’s in congress. That’s it, though he did add some pictures of you when you were younger, and if nothing else, that really does prove it.”

 

Gabriel pulled out his iPad, and opened up the pictures, turning it around for them to see. Alex grabbed onto it, eyes growing wide. Sebastian was the one to break the silence.

 

“That’s you. Shit, he’s really your dad.”

**

To: burt.hummel@congress.gov

From:gabriel.martins@out.magazine.com

Copy: ssmythe@gmail.com

Subject: RE: Article about Alexander Clarkson

 

Dear Mr. Hummel

 

After reading your email and seeing the pictures, we have to agree that Alex is your son. He’s very interested in meeting with you. We figured it was best if the first time you talked was face to face, so I will be scheduling the meeting for you. I am also sending this as a copy to his boyfriend, so he’ll be in the loop.

 

I see you are in congress, and probably living in DC, but do you have any chance of getting to New York? It’s a bit hard for Alex (Kurt) and Sebastian to leave in the middle of the school year.

 

When are you available?  

 

Gabriel Martins

 

 

To: gabriel.martins@out.magazine.com

From: burt.hummel@congress.gov

Copy: ssmythe@gmail.com

Subject: Meeting

 

Mr. Martins

 

You have no idea how relieved I am to hear this. I can fly out from DC within a couple of days, so anytime from Thursday is good. Should I bring anything? Things he might remember?

 

Burt Hummel

 

 

To: burt.hummel@congress.gov

From: gabriel.martins@out.magazine.com

Copy: ssmythe@gmail.com

Subject: RE: Meeting

 

Mr. Hummel

 

No need to bring anything. One thing, though. Alex (Kurt) remembers most things through smell, so please don’t be upset if he doesn’t remember you by look alone. He’s told me to tell you that if you want to hug him when you meet, go ahead. It’s a bigger chance he’ll remember you that way, too.

 

How about Friday at 10AM in the OUT offices? I’ll send you the address.

 

Gabriel

 

 

To: gabriel.martins@out.magazine.com

From: burt.hummel@congress.gov

Copy: ssmythe@gmail.com

Subject: RE: RE: Meeting

 

GM

 

I’ll be there.

 

BH

**

 

Alex paced the floor of the conference room. Sebastian was leaning on the table, trying to calm him down, but it was no good; he was simply too nervous.

 

“Fuck. I’m actually gonna meet my dad. What if I don’t remember him? What if he is offended and don’t want anything to do with me?”

 

“He won’t be offended. Gabriel told him to be prepared for you not to remember, he’ll just be glad you’re alive.”

 

“Shit, what if I _do_ remember? What if I remember everything? What do I do then? What if something terrible happened that night? What if I did something bad? What if I killed that person they found in my car?”

 

Sebastian walked up to his fiancé and grabbed him by the shoulders. “If you do remember, we will figure it out together. I can’t promise you nothing bad happened, but I can pretty much guarantee that you didn’t kill that man. Relax. It will be fine. “

 

Just then a knock sounded on the door, and Alex tensed up again. Gabriel stuck his head inside, and gave them a questioning look. Sebastian just shook his head.

 

“His car just pulled up. If you look out the window, you can get a look at him.”

 

Alex walked quickly over to the window and saw a somewhat chubby man exit a cab. At first glance, there was nothing similar between them, but as a he looked a little closer, he started noticing the small things, like they had the same eyes and hands. He disappeared around the corner to enter the building, and Alex’ stomach knotted up with nerves again.

 

Sebastian engulfed him from behind in a hug, and he leaned back into if for a few seconds, until they heard the second knock on the door. Sebastian stepped back against the table again, and Alex stood out on the floor in front of the door as it opened.

 

The look on the man’s face when he saw Alex was pure and utter joy. There was no other way to describe it. After a few moments where Burt Hummel took in Alex’ form, Alex broke the silence.

 

“Hi.” It sounded awkward, and he had to stop himself from grimacing.

 

Suddenly the man walked towards him, and strong arms engulfed him in a hug. “Hi”. It was more of an exhale than anything else. Alex let his arms snake around the man, and buried his head in the man’s shoulder, taking a deep breath. The sudden feeling of safety and home almost overwhelmed him. Glimpses of a life flashed before his eyes, not really memories, more impressions; a garage he knew better than his own room, a bed he snuck into at night when they were both alone, dinners at a table with smiles and laughs. Alex could feel his eyes mist up, and squeezed Burt tighter. He noticed his own shoulder grow damp, but he didn’t care. This was his dad.

 

Alex didn’t quite know how much time had passed when they parted, both with teary smiles. “Hi.” He tried again, and Burt gave a short bark of laughter that sparked another wave of familiar.  “I remember you. I... I don’t remember any specific memories, but I remember you.”

 

Burt gave him a big smile. “Shit, Kurt, Alex, whatever your name is, I’m just glad I found you. I don’t care if you ever remember anything else, I’m just so glad you’re not dead.”

 

They both dried a few tears, before Alex suddenly remembered Sebastian, and he turned around to his smiling fiancé. “Oh, uhm, Burt, dad, meet Sebastian Smythe. He and his mother found me and helped me after the accident.”

 

Burt walked over to Sebastian, who had stood up from the table, and shook his hand. “Thank you. I don’t think I can ever thank you enough. “

 

“You’re welcome. Though I think I got more out of it than I could ever have hoped.”

 

“Yeah, you guys are dating, right?”

 

“Uhm, “ Alex drew out the word “actually, we’re engaged. I just wanted to tell you in person, not in email.”

 

“Congratulations!” And he embraced a very surprised Sebastian in a hug.

 

“Thanks.”

 

A third knock on the door was heard, and Gabriel sneaked in with a can of coffee and some mugs. The three men all sat down at the table, Alex and Burt across from each other, with Sebastian next to Alex.

 

Alex gathered his courage and asked something he had wanted to know for a while. “I was just wondering... would you tell me what happened when I disappeared? I only know what happened on my side, and only half of it. “

 

Burt tightened his hand around the mug. “Of course.” He took a deep breath before starting up. “That weekend you were supposed to visit your boyfriend at the time, Blaine, and some of your friends. When Sunday came around and you didn’t come home, I started calling you, but you never picked up. I called Blaine, and it turns out the two of you had a fight on Friday night, and you had decided to drive home. He thought you didn’t answer the phone when he called because you were mad at him, so he didn’t think anything was wrong until I called. We called around to your friends, but when no one knew where you were, we called the police. They started a search, we all joined in. We sent out flyers to all the police stations in Ohio, called around, but no-one had seen you. We were just about to widen the search when someone found your car, burned out, with an equally burned out body inside. He had the same body type as you, and any other identifying marks had been burned by then. So the police thought it was you and stopped looking. I was never quite convinced, but in the end I had to try and put it behind me or stop living all together.” As he finished up, he shook his head. “I should have followed my intuition. I should have known.” The last part was almost whispered down to the table, and Alex suddenly realized that the man felt like he had done something wrong by not searching for him all these years. He reached over and grabbed his hand.

 

“Hey, there is no way you could have known, and the chances of you finding me after the first few weeks were small. I joined Vivian and Sebastian in France and stayed there for three years.”

 

Burt looked up at him again. “Will you tell me about your life? What you have done the last five years?”

 

Alex nodded, and starting with the hospital and the feelings of emptiness and ending with the engagement where they had decided to do the article.

 

Burt shook his head with a smile. “It’s so strange. Everything you have done is things I know you would have loved to do before, but you didn’t quite dare to, or we didn’t quite have the money to. You’ve had these great opportunities, and I’m just really grateful that these have been good years for you.”

 

Alex gave him a little smile. “Would you tell me about me from before? How I was?”

 

And so it was Burt’s turn to talk, and it got rough at times, with the death of his mother (“after that you actually wanted to change your name to Kurt Elizabeth Hummel”) and the years of bullying he had gone through.

 

When he was finished, Alex had another question for him. “I was wondering about the name I chose, Alexander Clarkson. I didn’t really think much about it, I just picked it because I liked it, but do you know if it’s something from my life back in Lima?”

 

Burt’s smile widened and he nodded. “Yes, actually. There was this TV-show called Top-Gear, we used to watch it together every week for years. One of the hosts there was called Clarkson, and when you were a kid, you thought I was just like him because I worked with cars and we look somewhat alike. And Alexander. Well, it’s my middle name. “

**

 

To: noahp@gmail.com, star1@yahoo.com, b_anderson@outlook.com, bp@gmail.com, mike.chang@julliard.com, tinacc@gmail.com, Quinn.fabray@student.harvard.com, singingqueen@hotmail.com, navi_king@gmail.com, slopez@gmail.com

Copy: ssmythe@gmail.com

From: burt.hummel@congress.gov

Subject: Kurt/Alex

 

To all of you that asked if I was serious, you have probably seen the article already, but yes I was. I got to meet him a few days ago, and there is no question in my mind that it is Kurt. He goes by Alex these days, though. I asked if he wanted to meet you all, and he said yes, though in the first round Carole and Finn are coming in to meet him. I’ve sent a copy of this email to Kurt’s (Alex’) fiancé, so after that you can coordinate visits directly with him and Kurt (Alex).

 

What’s very important to remember is that he most likely will not remember you. The longer you have known him and been his friend, the bigger chance he has of remembering, but don’t expect anything. He remembers from smell, not sight, so he have told me to tell you all that it’s okay to hug him and that it might actually help him remember. Just be prepared for anything.

 

Could all of you write a summary of your life and your friendship with Kurt (Alex)? That way he can be a little more prepared when he meets you. He doesn’t want you to add a picture, but if you could bring a picture from high school with you, that would be good.  

 

Burt Hummel

 

**

 

From Finn: _Metn Kurt in 2 hr. Nervus_

 

From Finn: _Fuck. 30 min_

 

From Finn: _2 min._ _Shhit, don’t now what to do_

 

From Finn: _... he doesn’t remember me... or mom_

 

From Puck: **_You knew there was a chance he wouldn’t. You only knew him for a few years. And your mom knew him a lot shorter._**

 

From Finn: _I know, but I was kinda hoping his brotherly instinct would help out or something._

 

From Puck: **_...You were brothers for a short minute, I don’t think it counts. How is he?_**

 

From Finn: _He seems happy. And he both does and doesn’t look like Kurt. He doesn’t seem to mind being called Kurt. Are you gonna meet him?_

 

From Puck: **_Of course. I’m already planning it with his boyfriend, sent him an email the second I had his address. It looks like I will get to meet them next week Monday for lunch._**

**

 

Alex looked down at the piece of paper in front of him for the n’th time. It was the ‘summary’ of Noah Puckerman. They were meeting him for a late lunch in a small cafe that the man himself had suggested. Sebastian and Alex were already there, having arrived fifteen minutes early so that Alex could calm down a little before the meeting.

 

The summary was short but informative. They had met in kindergarten, become best friends. They lost their friendship a little when Noah had to move and ended up at another school. Then they started the same high school and after some ‘start-up issues’ (He hadn’t specified what said issues were, though), they had once again become best friends. Noah was currently taking a master in Music Management, was single and living in New York.

 

Alex started crunching up the edges of the paper in his hand, trying to calm down his nerves. When he felt Sebastian’s hand on his back, stroking up and down, his whole body relaxed a little and he took a few deep breaths. He didn’t know what he would have done without his fiancé helping him through all this. Probably die in a panic attack.

 

The door opened, and they both looked up. A dark-haired man walked through the door. He had short curls, was about the same height as Sebastian, but had wider shoulders and a stocky built. When he saw them, he gave them a small smile and walked with measured steps over to the table. He seemed to keep his body in check, something Alex appreciated. He got up when the boy got close to their table.

 

“Noah?”

 

His smile grew a little and he nodded. “Yeah. I... Can I hug you?”

 

Alex smiled back at him and took another step out on the floor, holding his arms a little out from his body. “Go ahead.”

 

The young man wrapped his arms around Alex, almost lifting him off the floor a little before sinking into it and just clinging close. Alex took a deep breath and though it was nowhere near as strong as it had been with his dad, the feeling of ‘home’ and ‘safe’ still shivered through him. Noah pulled away after half a minute or so, keeping his hands on Alex as he looked him over.

 

“Fuck, I’ve missed you. You have no idea.”

 


	5. Meet and greet

 

Noah's email had come only an hour or so after Burt had sent out the email, and over the next few days, several more arrived. The one from Santana Lopez had been an extremely close second. After her followed Tina, Sam, Brittany, Mike, Blaine, Rachel, Mercedes and Quinn. A few days later, there came several emails from some boys that Alex had gone to Dalton with, whom Burt hadn't thought about including in the emails, but who had obviously managed to both find out and find the right email. There was Jeff, Nick, Cameron, Mikey, Ted, Wes, Thad, Flint and after them followed other people, like teachers (Sue Sylvester, Will Schuester and Amelie Merchant) and dance and music instructors.

 

It was extremely overwhelming, and Alex could only wonder at how many people had loved him, even though he seemed to have had a rather tough childhood and teenage years. As they started to plan for more meetings, he read through the summaries they had provided, and he was a little confused. Several people had described them as “best friends”. Too many, in fact. Alex decided to talk to his dad, the one person who would probably know most about it.

 

“Okay, so you want to know why these people are calling you their best friend?” Burt looked at him with a raised eyebrow. They made sure to skype every day, and Burt was planning another trip in a couple of weeks. He had stayed for four days the first time he was there.

 

“Yeah, I want to know the history, I guess. Like, I get that Noah and I have known each other forever, and Tina Cohen-Chang has also written that we knew each other as kids and became best friends then, but the others just kind of... state it.”

 

“Okay, as you said, you have known both Tina and Noah most your life. You used to call Tina you “secret” bestie. You hung out all the time, but as I understand it, it wasn’t really obvious. You never really demanded anything of each other, you just were best friends, no matter what. With Noah, you lost contact, and some bad stuff happened to him, so he was a bit of an asshole for a while, but you made up. He used to call you “his boy”.

Santana Lopez was much the same really, you got to know her fairly early too, and as far as I know, you stayed in contact off and on, but you loved each other, and I once heard you tell her that you would help hide a body if she needed, but she would be better at the killing, so she could do that part alone. Mercedes Jones is who I would have said was your best friend, at least the last few years before the accident. She was the one you hung out with most in school. You sort of lost contact when you transferred, and I always thought she was rather fickle. Who else claims to be your best friend? “

 

“Jeff Sterling and Blaine Anderson.”

 

“Jeff was your roommate and best friend at Dalton. You guys clicked immediately. I'm still kicking myself for forgetting to email him. You had actually been planning a trip together that summer, just the two of you.

Blaine was... you met him when you transferred, and you fell head over heels in love with him. He was good for you where you were then, and he often referred to you as his best friend, but to be quite honest, from the talks you and I had, it seemed like you were probably more his best friend than he was yours. Blaine had a way of taking a lot from people without giving a lot back.”

 

“Okay, thanks. There are also a couple of guys that say I am one of their closest friends. Cameron and Mikey Smith and Ted.”

 

“Cameron was in the Warblers. As far as I know, you hadn't really talked to him all that much. Then you helped his little brother Mikey, stopped him from trying to kill himself. I don't know if you and Cameron were best of friends, but he became one of your most loyal and protective friends after that.

Ted was... you met him doing fencing at Dalton. He taught you self-defense, and was and is fiercely protective of you. The two of you are in many ways very much alike, and I guess you saw something in each other.”

 

**

Alex had looked through all the emails, considered what his dad told him, and cautiously started contacting everyone. And thus the meetings continued.

 

The first was Santana. She had taken a look at him, bitten her lip, before marching over and dragging him into a hug. The smell that surrounded him was familiar and known, and he held her fast in the hug. It wasn't the same feeling as he had with Noah, but it was still absolutely something he remembered.

 

“I remember you.” The hug got even tighter.

 

“You fucking better.”

 

She and Sebastian got on like a house on fire, and the three of them ended up dragging out their lunch to a dinner.

 

Next was Jeff. He was a dancer and went to Juilliard, and they met in the lunch hall there between some of his classes. Alex had barely even stepped into the room when he had an armful of a blond man hugging the life out of him. Unfortunately, no matter how much he tried, he couldn't remember the man he was holding, but the hug felt nice and safe. Jeff hadn't been insulted in the least, and dragged them over to a table to eat and talk. There had been a few hastily dried tears and Alex ignored the salt stain on his shoulder; he had been expecting it to happen at some point.

 

Then came Tina, who started crying the second she saw him. He recognized her too, and he was very happy about that, mostly because he didn't want her to cry any more. She was doing a fashion major at NYU.

 

Sam was next in line. He had a kind smile and was great at hugs, and he really was rather attractive, but Alex didn't remember him at all, and he could see that the boy was a little upset about that. He was taking a degree in teaching in Columbus, and worked as a personal trainer on the side to earn some money.

 

Cameron and Mikey asked him if they could please all go out to dinner, and they could bring their parents, who also badly wanted to meet him again. He had, apparently, been at their house for dinner frequently. They were all really happy to see Alex and meet Sebastian, and even though Alex didn't remember any of them, he thought he must have been very happy in the midst of this family.

 

Meeting Ted was a little strange, as they looked a lot alike, but the boy was friendly and kind and sarcastic and Sebastian sat laughing through it all, because they were _the same person!_ According to Ted they seemed more alike now than they had then, and Alex would almost had worried that Sebastian would hook up with him if not for the fact that Ted was straight and Alex trusted Sebastian completely.

 

Brittany and Mike were on a tour with a dance company, but he exchanged a few emails back and forth with them. They had shared a ballet class when they kids, and Alex loved talking dance with them.

 

Nick was traveling at the moment and Mercedes, Quinn, Wes, Thad and Flint all went to school on the other side of the country, so they scheduled meetings for the next vacation, which left Alex with the two people he looked the least forward to meet; Blaine and Rachel.

 

He was not looking forward to meeting Blaine, mostly because they had been boyfriends and he had no idea how to behave.

He wasn't looking forward to meeting Rachel, because the others had talked a little here and there and from the profile she wrote, she seemed like a very egotistical and tiring person, and she would probably expect him to remember her. His dad hadn’t exactly been fond of her either.

 

 

They met Rachel at a cafe by Central park. They had been there a while when she came walking in, holding her head high and looking around for them. Her face split in a grin when she saw them, and she ran over, throwing her arms around Alex who had just gotten up in time.

 

“Kurt!”

 

None of the others had called him that, and though he didn't mind so much, it still sat a little wrong with him. Her hug was intense, hard and not at all familiar.

 

“Hi. Rachel, I guess?”

 

She pulled back and looked up at him. “Yes, don't you remember me?”

 

He shrugged and shook his head. “Sorry, no.”

 

He could see clearly on her face that she was insulted, and as she sat down, she had stopped smiling and bore the face of someone sucking on a lemon. “Oh.”

 

The meeting did not get any better after that. She told them about herself, she was working part time in a diner whilst taking classes at NYADA, but it was clear that she thought they were being horribly unfair to not let her, a sophomore, have all the spotlight. It was clear only minutes in that this was not a girl Sebastian liked, and Alex was a little confused as to why he had been friends with her.

 

“Oh, but everything is getting back on track now. We can finally do what we talked about in high school, being best friends and living together. I'm telling you, it has been so hard to find a decent apartment with the rent I can afford, but now that we'll be two, we can find something much better!”

 

Alex almost choked on his drink. “Excuse me? I am not moving in with you. Why would you think that?”

 

She looked at him almost condescendingly. “That was out plan, our dream. We would both be at NYADA and live together and be fabulous. Of course, you have to apply now to make sure you get in, and it will be a few years late, but that doesn't matter. I can help you out with all my knowledge, and it will be fine.”

 

Sebastian and Alex looked at each other for a few seconds. Was this woman for real?

 

“Look, I don't know why you would think I would fall back to a plan I had five years ago in high school that I don't even remember, but I am not doing it. I am not applying to a school I don't want to go to, I am not quitting Parsons, and I am certainly not moving from the apartment I share with my fiancée to move in with you.”

 

She got up in a fury, angry eyes pinning them in place. “You are not Kurt. Kurt wouldn't have given up on his dream for anything, even if he didn't remember it.” And then she stormed out.

 

“Well, that was...” Alex trailed off, not quite knowing how to finish it.

 

“Yeah, I'm not sure I like her having our contact info. I'm pretty sure she should be locked up.”

 

**

 

They had made the appointment with Blaine a few days after. Alex was not looking forward to it, and he was getting tired of meeting new people from his old life. He just wanted to go back to his new life for a while, okay?

 

The day of the meeting, Alex could clearly see Sebastian's nerves working in overtime. He cornered him in the kitchen, leaning in close and laying a hand on the side of his face, giving him a peck.

 

“Hey. What's going on?”

 

“Nothing.” Sebastian tried to worm away, but Alex was blocking him in up against the counter.

 

“Don't lie to me, I know something is up.”

 

Sebastian wouldn't meet his eyes, and ended up speaking to his shoulder. “It's stupid, I just... I'm afraid he's gonna... steal you back... or something.” By the end, he was murmuring, and Alex barely caught it.

 

“Babe, no. I am not leaving you, he will not steal me away, even if he tries. I love you, and I am going to marry your ass. You're not getting rid of me that easy.”

 

Alex quirked his lips in a sideways smile, and Sebastian smiled back at him, drawing him into a hug. They stood leaning into each other until they had to leave, and they separated with a small kiss.

 

They were meeting Blaine at a coffee shop downtown, one that Blaine had picked. When they got there, they ordered their coffee and a sandwich each and found a table with a couch on one side, and got comfortable in it. They were just sitting in silence, hands laying intertwined on the sofa between them when a man stepped up in front of them.

 

“Kurt...” He said it with a sigh and a smile, not seeming to even see Sebastian. He was a short man, with wild curls on his head. His fashion taste was questionable, with boat shoes, no socks, yellow jeans, a red shirt and a yellow bowtie. Alex instantly wondered how his younger self fell for this guy, and he held a smile as Sebastian murmured “well, at least your tastes improved”.

 

Alex got up and held out his hand. He didn't really feel like hugging this guy. “Hi, you must be Blaine.”

 

The other boy completely ignored the hand, and pulled Alex into a hug. A rather painful hug actually. Ow. He loosely hugged the man back, but when he started digging his nose into Alex' neck, he gently pushed him away.

 

As they stepped away from each other, Alex noticed the two cups of coffee the man had brought with him. Blaine noticed him looking, and lighted up.

 

“Oh! I got a coffee, I saw you didn't have any. You still drink the same, right, grande nonfat mocha?”

 

Alex took a few more steps back and sat down. “Uhm, no, I don't. Besides, we've already ordered, she just had to finish our sandwiches.”

 

Just as he finished talking, the girl that worked there came up to them with a smile. “One hot chocolate and a mozzarella and tomatoes panini” she sat them in front of Sebastian, “and one cappuccino and a roast beef sandwich. Enjoy!” She sat the two other in front of Alex before disappearing behind the counter again.

 

Blaine halted in his way towards the chair across from Alex and looked at Sebastian for the first time. “Oh, uhm... who...?”

 

Sebastian stretched his arm over the table to shake Blaine's. “Sebastian. Alex' fiancé.”

 

“Fiancé? I... I thought I would be meeting Kurt alone.”

 

Sebastian looked at the other man in bewilderment; he thought he had known tactlessness before this, but _hello_. “Well, obviously you're not.”

 

The uncomfortable silence that followed was broken by Alex. “I have a feeling I've seen you before.” He was frowning, trying to figure out where he could have him from.

 

“You remember me?” The smile on the shorter man’s face was hopeful and adoring.

 

“No, hang on, I've seen you before too.” Sebastian tilted his head. Where did he have this guy from. Suddenly he realized it.

 

“Hang on. Blaine _Anderson_ , right?” Blaine nodded. “Holy shit, you're Cooper’s brother.”

 

“Oh my God, yes! From the picture on the mantle!” Alex exclaimed as he suddenly remembered the picture Cooper always had out.

 

Blaine's eyes fell flat. “Oh. You guys know Cooper?” His voice was hard and bitter.

 

“Uhm, yeah. He's our best friend, has been for years.” Sebastian looked back and forth between Blaine and Alex, trying to figure out what was wrong. Alex shrugged, having no idea either.

 

“Great. Look, I don't really want to talk about Cooper, how about we just focus on the here and now.”

 

The rest of the lunch was uncomfortable, stilted and filled with Blaine's suggestions that he and 'Kurt' should hang out sometimes.

 

When they finally got home again, they both sighed in relief, and lay down on the couch, Alex between Sebastian's legs, back to chest. After a while, Alex broke the silence.

 

“Seriously, I cannot understand what my younger self was thinking.” Sebastian's laughter rang through their apartment.

 

 


End file.
